Do you still have photos and mementos from your former marriage around the house? Do you have a strong negative reaction when your ex’s name comes up in a conversation? It can be difficult to bounce back aft...
Here’s How to Get Through a Divorce with Your Self-Esteem IntactAugust 14, 2015 - Relationship Articles
At WP Diamonds, we deal with hundreds of customers who have gone through or are going through divorce. We know that it can be extremely difficult to bounce back after a long-term marriage or relationship ends, at any age, for both men and women. At first, you may feel defeated, insecure, and disheartened, but you will survive. You might feel helpless now, but that is just an attitude. You will overcome it and regain who you once were with your self-esteem intact.
At WP Diamonds, we believe in fresh new beginnings. So, if you are divorced and feeling disheartened, here are five strategies to help you rebuild your social life and get you through the divorce with your confidence and self-assurance intact:
1. Overcome your shyness
2. Make a change
3. Think positively
4. Find a sense of community
5. Do creative activities
OVERCOME YOUR SHYNESS
Shy people behave in a timid, reserved or guarded way in social situations and they worry about the disapproval or judgments of others. It is especially common when you’re in an unfamiliar situation or meeting someone for the first time. When you’ve been married your entire life, and that’s all you know, you are more likely to experience shyness in all kinds of situations.
Boost your confidence by taking small steps to overcome your shyness. For instance, when you stop by your favorite coffee shop to pick up your morning cup of Joe, say hello and initiate a brief conversation with the person behind the counter. Start with a familiar setting and a familiar person. Then, move on to people you don’t know. Also, plan ahead what you might say or ask someone when you meet him or her. Role-play with friends to gain self-confidence. And when you are in a social situation, timing is what is important. Listen and observe, and find the right opportunity to step in.
MAKE A CHANGE
When you are stressed and upset, you have a tendency to stay in your comfort zone. But in order to regain your self-esteem after divorce, you need to adopt a new habit or incorporate change into your life. The very act of doing something outside of your comfort zone is powerful and transforming. And by changing your routine your life becomes more exciting and filled with possibility.
Pursue a new hobby or interest that you were always afraid to undertake. Any new activity stimulates learning, encourages healthy risk-taking, and puts you in front of potential partners. So why not try something outside your comfort zone. Good activities to try after a divorce include:
- Joining a gym to lose weight or simply get in amazing shape.
- Getting a makeover.
- Joining a book group or a weekend pottery class.
- Dating again.
- Upgrading or selling your engagement ring or other jewelry to WP Diamonds. Selling reminders of your past will help you move on, build up confidence and earn money. You can use the money you obtain from selling your jewelry to do some of these new activities or pay for some of the changes.
When you experience a divorce or long-term relationship breakup, you might focus on your inadequacies or what went wrong. However, it is important to stop dwelling on the things you don’t like about yourself and begin to focus on your positive qualities. Studies show that a positive, optimistic approach is what people find more attractive. Try a “brainwashing” technique. Make a list of 5 things you love about yourself and review the list daily for at least one month.
Also, by consciously changing how you view the divorce or breakup, from negative to positive, you’ll gain insights and self-esteem. If you reframe what happened in the past, you’ll also be able to flip the switch on negative emotions, which will change your outlook on the future.
Any negative thought can be flipped. For example, instead of focusing on how your divorce affected your finances, you might flip it to: “Now, things that I never liked to do when I was married, I don’t have to do anymore. I can focus on me and what I want to do!” A recent poll of 27,000 single Americans by PeopleMedia.com (which operates 27 online targeted dating sites) asked members: “What do you like best about being single?” Thirty-three percent said, “The freedom to spend my time as I choose.”
FIND A SENSE OF COMMUNITY
After a divorce or a long-term relationship breakup, you might experience loneliness at the beginning, but that is only short-term. It is crucial to find ways to get out of your house and be social. Renewing your ties to the community not only provides you with a source of emotional support, but it’s also a great way to meet new people. Options include:
- Take in roommates
- Join a club, gym or singles group
- Move to a condo complex
- Seek the support and company of good friends and family—particularly people who love you and think you’re wonderful!
In addition, given that you are most likely busy—with email, voicemail, Facebook and texting—it’s critical to remember that you need to slow down, take a breather, and make time to truly connect with others.
DO CREATIVE ACTIVITIES
Many people also find solace and confidence by turning to the arts or doing something creative. Some of the best art, poetry, literature, and music have been created during the pain of a breakup or divorce. This is the perfect time to paint, play music, garden or write. Why are creative activities beneficial after divorce?
- They are a great way to constructively release your emotions and they are powerful tools for healing.
- They make you live in the present.
- They help you become less concerned with your own problems.
- They are another fantastic way to meet people and build friendships with others.